Commentary: There is no shame in being a Tiger Parent
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Commentary: There is no shame in existence a Tiger Parent
We know pushing our kids to practise well might earn us a bad reputation but Tiger Parents just desire the best for their children, says Cherie Tseng
Tiger parents just want the best for their children. (Illustration: Rafa Estrada)
04 October 2022 06:01AM (Updated: 02 Feb 2022 08:04PM)
SINGAPORE: It is examination season in Singapore, even if it seems like my 10-year-old has been having an endless wave of "weighted assessments".
Two weeks after school re-opened, the first of the weighted assessments were upon us. Non a examination, mind yous, just a small "weighted cess" to see where students are. But, yes, the scores counts towards his overall school grade.
And now as all 12-twelvemonth-olds are caught in the death grip of the dreaded PSLE, most other students, too, notice themselves deep in revision style ahead of Stop-of-Yr Examinations.
The stakes are high: Most schools accept this last round of examinations bookkeeping for fifty to 70 per cent of the year's overall form.
The entire eco-system around examination fever is on high alert. Enrichment centres and private tutors are all on call, furiously packing in extra revision slots.
Bookshops hold exam-guide sales, a leading media house even has even branched out to offering essay writing workshops. Parents, needless to say, are right in that location in the ring besides.
POLARISED WORLD OF PARENTING
While the majority of the Western globe decried Amy Chua's seminal book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother with many corresponding definitions of tiger parenting tinged with negativity, it finally gave a term to a parenting style that was quite commonplace, if, fifty-fifty celebrated, on this side of the swimming.
When Chua, herself, came by our sunny piddling island, parents clamoured to run across her, if only to hear in person what they already read in her book and recognise themselves in her "ends justifies the means" parenting.
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Yet, in that location were howls of protest from the other side of the debate. These were parents who believed in the procedure and less interested in outcome.
Popular blogger Priyanka Sharma-Sindhar used the term "Elephant Parent" who is the exact opposite of a Tiger Parent, the ultra-strict disciplinarian.
Sindhar advocates strongly for a parenting manner that nurtures, protects and encourages children, specially when they are young. Mayhap, the kind that does not go into a tirade or sighs too much when a child brings home a fail course.
A local response to the tiger parenting drumbeat is perhaps best encapsulated by a social media driven movement a few years back that aimed to highlight that there was #lifebeyondgrades.
It is an initiative aimed at driving a mindset shift to alleviate the increasing pressures of school on the children of Singapore.
At their launch, local influencers and celebrities held cards with their PSLE scores with a message about how grades were not e'er a marker to success.
This is echoed by Dr Sanveen Kang, Clinical Psychologist and Founder of Psych Connect: "Over the years, many studies accept looked at the correlation betwixt grades and success in life. Generally speaking there is no correlation between grades and success in life."
"The only correlation found was between grades and academic success. In other words, for those who aspire to bookish studies, scores predict success. Nevertheless, information technology has nothing to do with success in life."
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Indeed, Stanford researchers Alyssa Fu and Hazel Markus found that both culture-centric approaches can be effective.
Their inquiry seem to suggest that while motivation comes from within an private in Western families while Asian children notice their drive in parental expectations. Both, say the researchers, atomic number 82 to fairly equitable outcomes.
Confronting THE SYSTEM AND OUR CHILDREN
The enquiry might be interesting intellectually but information technology cannot change how we parent in existent life – if but simply because we still have to face a system in which every child is assessed past how well he or she does.
Withal we cut it, life likes winners. Information technology always has and withal does.
It celebrates the Kobe Bryants, Serena Williams and the Tiger Woods. In fact, we laud the phenoms that don't just win, but boss.
And then, while we effort our darndest to discover residue or focus on the procedure, there is also a part of u.s. that feels compelled to care deeply about the result. Which, unfortunately, often can only come through drilling, practise, training, powering through.
That is the mantra of the modern—if slightly cautious and closeted Tiger Parent in Singapore.
Nosotros are driven past this fundamental question: Are grades important? And our answer is, aye.
Why? Better grades means being in a better position to choose. Better grades give our children options.
GOOD GRADES Notwithstanding THE CURRENCY
In the current organization, secondary and tertiary school place resource allotment is largely based on grades. Everyone is ranked past operation, and so, the person with the higher course gets to practise his or her choice of schoolhouse first.
It is true that over the years, students who don't meet grade requirements can get into courses or schools of their choice through other not-academic assessments.
Simply for the vast majority of students, the improve the grades, the stronger your position in choosing what and where you want to study.
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Even the government scholar system (something highly prized and valued by many) is largely predicated on first having good grades.
Rare if ever practice you hear of the president scholar who made it considering he or she had mediocre grades (and I don't hateful an A-) but a stellar everything else.
Sure, in that location are other side roads one could have, vis-à-vis sporting abilities for a start. But that, some argue, favours the amend-heeled families.
Ballet lessons themselves are pricey, and you add to that all the extras that come with it – like tutus and competitions – it is a hefty toll tag. Even soccer these days come with community club memberships and contest fees.
And then if we laid things bare, movements like #Lifebeyondgrades, while well-pregnant and important for the conversations that it allows us to have, are the luxuries of the better heeled.
"It is piece of cake to say that grades don't matter when your family has ways," says Jonathan Muk, the co-founder of ReadAble, a stand-in-the-gap provider of literacy and numeracy programs for the underserved.
"A low-income family typically does non have the fourth dimension and coin to transport their child to coding, dancing or swimming class. So, what exercise you have left, in terms of a formal system that volition recognise your try and reward yous for achievement? And what kind of achievement is recognised in the formal system?"
Mr Muk's assessment is in line with American writer Kearie Daniel. Writing for Flare Magazine, she titles her essay: Being a Tiger Mum is an Human activity of Love—and Necessity.
Her essay posits that for blackness parents, pushing your child to excel isn't a selection, information technology's a manner to make sure they survive.
In Singapore, most of us may non accept to excel just to survive every bit Ms Daniel argues. But I would say the bulldoze to do well is deeply rooted in our psyche.
The sugariness spot of parenting – betwixt pushing our children and allowing them to bask their childhood – is all the same elusive, especially in a hyper-competitive environment such as ours.
If I am a Tiger Parent, especially as exam fever takes root, then I am guilty every bit charged.
In my defence, while I do my best to ensure my kids still become the time to play, I also have to ensure that the rigor is put in place if I want them to achieve their fullest potential, to lead salubrious, successful, productive lives as students in Singapore.
Cherie Tseng is Master Operations Officer at a local fintech company, a mother of 3 and editor with The Birthday Collective.
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